I get asked a lot about doing porn. How to get into it? What companies to work for? Etc., etc. I’ve always said though that I’ve talked more people out of doing porn than I have to do porn. Once you do a scene and it’s published in some way, whether on the internet or dvd, there are consequences that come with it. I want my blog to be informative, so in this entry I would like to discuss some of those ramifications.

First, consider relationships. It can be a challenge to find a significant other okay with the fact that your job today is to go on a set and fuck another person. Personally, I’ve always viewed the sex I’ve had for projects as work. It’s not  to say that I haven’t enjoyed it at times. But the sex is for a project, and the relationship is professional. We don’t call or text each other, go on dates, or do special things for each other. Not every significant other may understand that though, and it is difficult to not develop jealousies. I’ve dated many girls who say they wouldn’t have a problem with it, but then when a project came along her attitude changed. And I think it’s understandable. Sometimes I meet women who find it just plain gross and perverted. I’ll never win them over. Then there’s the situation where you do meet a girl who is okay with it, but the question comes up, “If you have opportunities to have sex with other people, why can’t I?” and that’s a hard question to answer. In one sense, I have no problem with it… if you’re doing it for work. On the other hand, if she’s suggesting that sex in her personal life with a different person is the same as sex for a project… well, I just don’t agree. So you have to be willing to develop a mutually satisfying compromise. Don’t get me wrong. I have no problems meeting girls, getting sex from girls, or even finding one to date. But actual relationship do present challenges.

Related to romantic relationships, being a porn performer may cause schisms in friendships. Some of the issues are the same as in romantic relationships. There are friends who just find porn and doing porn distasteful. I know I’ve lost some great friends because of my adult work. However, it’s a passion of mine, and I’ve also met many great friends because of my adult work. I regret losing some close people in my life, and the only way I can reconcile that is to believe that perhaps they weren’t the best friends for me if they can’t share or at least respect my interest in sex and porn.

And let’s not forget family. How will your mother or father feel about the fact that you fuck on film for money? I’m fortunate in that my father is very supportive. However, my mother actually has no idea. At least, I don’t think so. I’m not quite sure how she’d react to it. I’m not quite sure I’d like to find out. As a result though, a distance is created between us. Porn is such a big part of my life, and it’s a part that I don’t feel like I want to share with her. It’s has an enormous effect on a relationship to have to keep such a big part of one’s life a secret. I feel that way socially as well. There are some circles I’m in that I just keep my mouth shut and feel like I can’t be myself because it’s just not appropriate for me to mention my work and interest. I don’t remain silent because of any shame I have, but because of the stigma that comes with being an adult performer.

So you’ve done some porn scenes for money. Perhaps you used that money to support your schooling or whatever. Let’s say that you get that law degree (for example) and then decide you’d like to work in that profession. Employers are very savvy nowadays about doing background checks. Between the internet and social networking sites, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to maintain privacy or hide things you’ve done publicly from others. If you’ve done a porn scene, there’s a good chance that a company and someone within a company will find it. Maybe not right away. But eventually they find it. You have to be prepared to accept the fact that many employers will not hire you because of adult work you may have done. I’ve experienced that first hand. I once worked at a law firm doing legal support. I was there for nearly two years without anyone finding out I did porn. Then one day it was discovered. And I was “laid-off”. I will admit that they were as nice about it as possible, but they did end my relationship with the firm. At the next firm I worked at, it was discovered the first week I was there. Fortunately, the administration was clearly staffed with open-minded people who didn’t see a conflict with my adult work and my professional abilities in that setting. Not everyone is so lucky though.

There are also peripheral problems. My ex-girlfriend and I were once asked to leave an apartment because of our work in porn. Our website was discovered by one of our neighbors. To this day, I don’t know who it was, but have an idea. Whoever it was, this person began leaving harassing notes on our door. First, it began with complaining about loud sex though our sex had been the same the whole year previously. Then it was claims that they could hear porn coming from our apartment, and that families and children shouldn’t have to be exposed to those sounds. Finally, it escalated to claims that we were disgusting animals that objectified women. These notes were no longer posted on our doors, but also common areas within the building for all our neighbors to see. We had discussions with our landlord who suggested that as long as our behavior remained private, he would have no problem letting us remain in the building. He did indicate though that he couldn’t tolerate additional notes. Clearly this was a situation where people were not complaining about actual instances, but just didn’t approve of what we did and decided to cause a problem for us. There would be nothing we could do to avoid their harassment. Subsequently, he let us out of our lease, gave us our full deposit back without even inspecting the apartment, and we moved.

These are the realities of being a porn performer, and these are just a few examples. Many more problems and more serious problems can occur. While being a porn performer can be fun and glamorous at times, it comes with its problems. Porn is stigmatized, and you will be stigmatized as a person for doing porn. If you pursue this, think about the ramifications you may face. You may decide that it’s not worth any hot pussy or a paycheck.